I'm back

It’s been a long time since I posted. I’ve been in a bit of a funk creatively but my mojo coming back. This is good news.

I haven’t been working much this past year--ok, 18 months--but have stayed home with the kids. And while this has been rewarding in so many ways, it wasn’t my first choice on how to spend my time. Yes, I accomplished some things: I spent wonderful moments with all 3 girls, started a screenplay, helped a retarded neighbor get social services. But I also lost track of my work self and started thinking I should be somebody else. Too much me-time is not good for my mind--I start to “over think.” Example: last Fall I was considering social work school or becoming a teacher. Why? Because I had convinced myself that I’m too old to make it in my field anymore. Somehow I'd convinced myself that a 50-year-old social worker seemed more reasonable than a 50-year-old digital designer.

But I don’t think that any more. How I got to this point is interesting. Between you and me, I’ve been seeing (or talking to, as she’s in Vermont) a life coach and, as cheesy as it sounds, it’s helping. One of the excercises I’ve had to do is write a purge--basically a stream-of-conscious brain dump--about my career and work life. It’s no surprise that my purge was filled with fear and doubt about competing against 26-year-olds for jobs and how all the jobs require social media skills and how I don’t know or care about social media so why would anyone hire me? Layered in there was my distain for “sharing” everything and some false (as well as some true) assumptions about what people do on socail media. And the distain and and false ideas were just an excuse not to try Istagram. Some of you may have noticed my sudden presence on Facebook and Istagram this week so you know where this is going. I beginning to tackle my distain and fear of social media. Yes, certain women post waaaaaaaay too many pictures of their kids and food but I found out that my old assistant got married ans was able to hook another one up with an immigrantion lawyer.

Another thing I’ve uncovered with the help of my life coach (ok go ahead and cringe) is that age is an easy thing to hide behind as well. It’s a comfy little pity party with lots of folks to commiserate with. As long as I believe I’m too old to learn the new technology no one is going to hire me. Sure being 50 is going to hurt me in some cases--I’ve been on enough interviews where the folks interviewing me are 20 years younger to know some situations are hopeless. But my age--and experience--is going to be an asset in some places. And that’s where I’m headed (after some continuing ed classes). I don’t want to be a social worker.